


File No. 6637

by IshoMoogoo



Series: Tales of the Agency That Absolutely Doesn't Exist (Stop Asking) [2]
Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Humor, Other, POV Outsider, Possible swearing, not very historically accurate
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-19
Updated: 2019-10-28
Packaged: 2020-12-24 08:16:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,432
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21096293
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IshoMoogoo/pseuds/IshoMoogoo
Summary: Enclosed herein are all of the observation reports on the Subject in question.on indefinite hiatus





	1. Basic Subject Information

**Author's Note:**

> this is leagues away from my normal writing style. so critique and advice is appreciated. hopefully will have the next bit up soon. i'm writing this because i really need to write something, and this seems the most interesting so far. I'm also taking oneshot requests until dec 14th and you can submit them here https://www.tumblr.com/blog/ishomoogoo or to my email which is on my profile page
> 
> got the idea for this series of fics here https://echodrops.tumblr.com/post/187339249536/good-omens-fanfics-i-want-to-read  
there is also a similar fic here https://archiveofourown.org/chapters/49262264 that i just found out about while i was looking up the previous link
> 
> i know this chapter is short, it's meant to be a cover page of sorts for the 'actual' file.

File No. 6637

Subject Name: Anthony J Crowley

Other Known Aliases: Crowley, Mr Crowley, Antonia J Crowley, Alia J Ashtoreth, Alia J Crowley, Dear/ My Dear1

Sex/ Gender: Subject to Change

Species: Shapeshifter2

Date of Birth: Unknown

Date of Discovery: 1932

Alignment: Neutral

Threat Status: Low- Medium3

Habitat: 666 Binney St, Mayfair Westminster, London4

* * *

Observation Status: Subject is to be monitored only for suspicious activity. Such activity will be reported to a superior for further review, to determine if any action is necessary.

Rules of Engagement: Contact with the Subject is unnecessary for anything beyond information gathering5. Unless Subject is Bored6.

Edit Oct 19, 2019: Regarding the unique nature of this Subject, and their relationship with Subject 243, the Subject is now being considered a possible candidate for Protocol 1054 under the new Endangered Supernatural Species Act

* * *

1Refer to File No. 243

2Refer to Species Subcategory 85B and 29F for specifics

3Refer to Protocol 3 unless Subject is Bored.

4Has resided here since their discovery in 1932. Any previous records of residency were lost during the Blitz

5Such actions aren’t advised, but is left to the discretion of the assigned Agent.

6Then refer to Protocol 23 and 24


	2. Form 32A

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Formal Request to Add a Subject to the Archive of Known Supernatural Entities

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> should probably let you know that i'm just looking up street names on a map and making shit up from there. also, all fics in this series are tied into each other. so you'd need to read all of them to enjoy it properly.
> 
> i also made minor edits last night when i remembered some stuff

Form 32A

**Formal Request to Add a Subject to the Archive of Known Supernatural Entities**

Date: February 2nd, 1932

Name of Submitting Agent: Gregory Pudge

Direct Superior of Agent: Allan Ashton

  


Entity In Question: Anthony J Crowley

Sex: Male

Species of Entity: Shapeshifter, Subcategory 85B

Last known location of Entity: Sheraton St, Soho Westminster, London. About a block or two away from Subject 243’s bookstore.

Threat to the Country: Unknown. Further investigation recommended to be sure.

Reason Entity was brought to the Agent’s attention: Suspected gang activity close by Subject 243’s known residence, while Subject was under routine observation. Agent investigated, as directed by Protocol 23.

  


Evidence: Distinct physical differences to humans, mainly focused around the eyes and mouth, as well a sibilant speech pattern when agitated.1 As well as a first hand account from Agent Pudge.

* * *

Statement of Agent: It was just another night shift at Subject 243’s place honestly. I’ve had them for near on a month now, taking over from Jimmy ‘round 10, and getting relieved at 7 by Carson. Business as usual since The Incident.

That’s, ah, how we’ve been calling it. You know, Incident 45 I think?

Anyway, we’ve been on round the clock surveillance to re-ascertain Subject 243’s Threat Level. Nothing much has happened since then, but rules are rules I guess. It was around 2:45, and I was taking a drag off a smoke while watching this immortal bird guy shuffle about the shop for the next book he wanted. Wasn’t sure if he was going to read it or fix it, can never tell when he’s usually doing his thing in the back. We’ve all been forbidden from entering the premises since The Incident, and the implementation of Protocol 23, anyway. So your guess is as good as mine.

Like I was saying, it was around 2:45, when some of the bars and clubs started letting the crowds out. One particularly sloshed group that passed me by was complaining, rather loudly I might add, about this shady group hanging about Sheraton St. One said they thought they looked like a bunch of thugs, and that he thought one of them had a gun.

Now, I wasn’t there during The Incident, but I heard about it. I’m not sure about anyone else, but Protocol 23 was made for a reason, and I’d rather not have a repeat. Especially not one where I’m directly involved. So, while acting under said Protocol, I left my post from across the street to go and check things out.

Huh?

Oh. Yeah. Made sure Subject 243 didn’t hear any of that either. Wouldn’t have left otherwise.

So, I got to Sheraton St, and saw some suspect activity near one of the alleys. I made sure to stay out of sight, and approached the alley. It looked like they were from one of the smaller local gangs. Nothing too big to worry about, but they were all packing, so to speak. It was right around when I was considering getting one of the local constables to sort them out, you know, before anything got out of hand, when this rangy, redheaded bloke slithered in.

Given what I saw of the guy, and how the guy seems to just walk that way all the time, that might be true in more than one sense of the word. The only other way to describe the man’s walking pattern, would be a drunk man who was buggered with a bit less lube than advisable, but still insisted on walking home anyway.

No. I wouldn’t like to elaborate on that. It’s Soho. You see things. Especially at night. Can we move on now?

Long story short, the new guy started talking to the one who looked like the leader. It sounded like he was encouraging him to take his business to another part of town, something about better opportunities or something in Marylebone. The gang members didn’t seem too convinced at first, but then suddenly decided to leave anyway. Not sure where they went in the end, got a bit distracted by the guy’s eyes. I managed to get a picture in time before he went back where he came from. He also spoke with a slight hiss when the gang members left, something about intruders?

I went back to my post after that, since it looked like nothing else was going to happen there.

What? Physical description? Tall, lanky, skinnier than a lamppost, with fiery red hair. He also has a tattoo on the right side of his face, right where a side burn would be. Dresses in all black and had shades on despite the hour, probably to hide his eyes. Never caught the guy’s name though.

END STATEMENT

Notes of Agent’s Superior: Agent Pudge was pulled from his assignment to Subject 243 to better track this new Entity down, and ascertain the creature’s identity along with Agent Pulsifer. Entity was identified as Anthony J Crowley, residing at 666 Binney St, Mayfair Westminster, London. Though that is the Entity’s listed address, he has never been observed at that location so far. He seems to be hanging in and around Soho, interacting with various street gangs. More thorough investigation of creature advised.

Agent Pulsifer also had an unfortunate run in with the Entity, and has respectfully resigned. It is now confirmed that the Entity in question is a Shapeshifter, Subcategory 85B.

* * *

Inquiry Status: APPROVED

Entity will henceforth be categorized and referred to as Subject No. 6637, and will be investigated further to ascertain Threat status. Entity will also be placed under temporary observation.

* * *

1Attached is a black and white photo of a tall, spindly man in dark attire. The man is wearing sunglasses, despite it being night time, but they’ve slipped down his nose far enough to be able to see reptilian looking eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> not sure when the next one will be available


	3. Form 2Z

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Agent Resignation Request

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> what, thought this would be something else? wait another chapter, i wanted to write this one first. i needed it

Form 2Z

**Agent Resignation Request**

Date: January 25 th , 1932

Agent in Question: Nathan Pulsifer

Direct Superior of Agent: Allan Ashton

* * *

Date of Resignation: February 1 st , 1932

Reason for Resignation: Agent fears for his life.

Statement of Agent: I really didn’t mean to do it, honest. I don’t even know what set him off. One minute I was admiring this beautiful black and grey Bentley, and the next Mr Cro- ah- Subject 6637 is shoving me into a wall and screaming in my face about respecting other people’s property. Even went off on something about how I was scaring her. I’m not sure who ‘she’ was, and I wasn’t very inclined to ask. I was a little too preoccupied with the dripping fangs in the man’s mouth as he was spitting profanities at me.

He let me go after a few minutes of reprimanding, and I took that chance to book it back here. Can I go now? I’d like to see my kids before they go to bed, if at all possible.

Opinion of Superior: Agent Pulsifer is a good man, but not a terribly good Agent. He also has a wife and kids, so it’s probably best if he leaves the Agency now, before one of the Entities out there gets him. And before he exposes us due to another unfortunate blunder.

* * *

Inquiry Status: APPROVED

Nathan Pulsifer is no longer of Agent status. Have him sign the pertinent documents to assure silence, and ensure an appropriate Letter of Recommendation is prepared for his next employer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> kudos, comments, bookmarks, and subs are very much appreciated. thank you


	4. Form 54A and 3B

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Entity Threat Level Recommendation and Behavioral Assessment as well as the Entity Power Assessment

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> took me a bit. Crowley always demands more attention from me. probably pissy that his file is shorter than Aziraphale's

Form 54A

**Entity Threat Level Recommendation and Behavioral Assessment**

  


Date: March 15th, 1932

Subject in Question: Subject 6637

Sex: Male

Habitat of Subject: 666 Binney St, Mayfair Westminster, London

Power of Subject:  Please see  attached  Form 3B

Submitting/ Assigned Agent: Gregory Pudge

Direct Superior of Agent: Allan Ashton

* * *

**Threat Level Recommendation**

  


Current Threat Status: None

New Threat Recommendation: Medium

Reason For Change: Subject recently added to the Archives

Evidence: Mandated Observation Reports1

Recommended Observation Status: Due to the Subject’s constant proximity to Subject 243’s territory, and Subject 6637’s agitative nature, constant observation recommended to ensure another Incident does not occur.

**Behavioural Assessment**

  


Level of Intelligence Exhibited by Subject: Subject displays a high level of manipulative and improvisational skills. The Subject seems to be able to flawlessly integrate himself into any gang, regardless of the group’s infamy and known hostility towards others, and one way or another get them to do what he wants. This is rather surprising considering the strange things the man occasionally says, or the way he trips over his own tongue when speaking.

Territoriality of Subject: Subject becomes belligerent when he feels his possessions are being threatened. Subject may not spend much time at home, but he doesn’t tolerate intruders when he spots them2.

Hostility of Subject: Subject is verbally aggressive, but has never physically lashed out in any way other than with Ex-Agent Pulsifer. Subject seems more prone to damage your property than attack you.

Diet of Subject: Alcohol.

Hunting Patterns of Subject: Subject has not eaten any food since observation started. This is rather typical of Species Subcategory 85B Shapeshifters. He will likely eat a large meal at a later time. He does consume quite a bit of alcohol though, and he seems to also have quite the tolerance for it.

Mating Habits of Subject: Subject is Unmated. Upon review of the evidence gathered so far, the Subject is most likely displaying classic signs of pre-courtship rituals found in the male 85B Shapeshifter Subcategory, so it is possible he will be attempting to court a mate soon. Further observation also recommended for this reason.

Relevant Observations of Agent  Regarding Subject’s Behaviour, That Could Not be Covered Above :

The Subject roams about quite a bit, only returning home every few days. Presumably to sleep. For days at a time. Most of his time spent outside the house is spent clearing the Soho area of gangs, whether by coercion or bribery. He gave the ones he paid off various tasks, always involving criminal undertakings.

I decided to use one of his absences to explore his home, see what I could gather from that. It’s not much of a home, and it’s certainly not a nest. Except for the bedroom. You usually don’t see a bed like that unless you’re a teenage girl. I mean, it’s absolutely covered in soft flannel and goose down duvets and pillows. Not sure where he gets it from, no store I’ve been to sells that stuff in black and wine red. Maybe they’re custom. There was one blanket that stood out from the rest. It was tartan, in various shades of brown and cream. Ugly as sin, and just shy of threadbare.

Other than that there’s the various odd and end scattered about, and the barest kitchen I’ve ever seen. There’s no actual food stored there, but there’s plenty of alcohol squirreled away in the numerous cupboards. I’d reckon it’s enough to put Jesus under the table.

And, well, I figured he wouldn’t miss _one_ bottle. So I took a bottle of expensive looking Red, didn’t really read the label, said 1793 on it with this little Thank You card attached to the neck. Thought it’d be good. I admit, I shouldn’t have done it, and I certainly wouldn’t have if I knew the bastard was going to track me down and slash the tyres on my new car.

Asshole made sure I knew it was him too. I was off duty, just left my flat to go see my, uh, my girl. Thought she’d appreciate the wine I’d  _acquired_ . I walk up to my new ride to see that all the tyres are flat. Before I can do or say anything  though , I hear someone speak  in the laziest drawl I’ve ever heard . “Oh, a right shame that is.”

I look up to see the Subject holding up a nearby brick wall  with his shoulder , arms crossed. He then  says something about karma and saunters over to me, taking the bottle right out of my hands. He asks where the tag that was attached to it  is , and he just stares at me when I said I threw it out.

That’s when the engine caught fire. I stopped paying attention to him after that, but I think he headed off in the direction of my flat.

END REPORT

Notes of Superior: I have placed Agent Pudge on suspension until further notice. He’s a damn good Agent, but he’s been having  personal  problems lately. Hopefully the break will help him sort out his priorities.  I don’t want to lose him too.

* * *

Inquiry Status: APPROVED

Subject will continue to be under observation until further notice. Agent Melnick and Agent Oxter will be the new Assigned Agents to Subject 6637.

* * *

Form 3B

**Entity Power Assessment**

  


Date: March 15th, 1932

Subject in Question: Subject 6637

Sex: Male

Habitat of Subject: 666 Binney St, Mayfair Westminster, London

Threat Level: Please see attached Form 54A

Submitting/ Assigned Agent: Gregory Pudge

Superior of Agent: Allen Ashton

* * *

Destructive Capabilities of Power: N/A

Brief Description of Subject’s Power: Subject is an 85B Shapeshifter. The Subject doesn’t have any other observable Powers.

  


Evidence: Attached Observation Reports

* * *

Inquiry Status: APPROVED

See Form 54A for further instructions.

* * *

1Please see attached Forms

2Be advised that the Subject has a very keen sense of smell. For more details, please see the Relevant Observations section.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> don't touch Crowley's stuff. 'nuff said

**Author's Note:**

> no update schedule, such things do not exist in my universe
> 
> I should also state that i don't live in england, so i use the internet for reference


End file.
